My old man's richer than your old man

( If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance. - Al Bernstein )

Valentine's Day: Pros & Cons

Pros:
- You get to cop a feel - whoops, I mean "spend quality time with" your boyfriend or girlfriend. Which naturally you wouldn't do the other 364 days of the year.
- You get to buy them flowers or chocolates. Which naturally you wouldn't do the other 364 days of the year.
- The chocolate and sweets industries make a killing. Which means Britain is left with even more of an obescity problem. And from there, the diet industries make a killing. So as obnoxious as this holiday can be, it's good for the economy.
- Wanted to pressure your significant other into going all the way without seeming like an insensitive jerk? Well, boys and girls, this is your perfect chance! Now instead of being an insensitive jerk, you're romantic.

Merlin bless St. Valentine. (As wizards, are we even supposed to have saints?)

Cons:
- Everything else.
- In particular now all the smug and self-involved couples have a reason to act even more smug and self-involved and monopolise the width of the hallways with their handholding on the way to class, forcing me to brush rather too close to the knights on the fourth floor who are rumoured to cop a feel.

I hate you, St. Valentine.

( Private to Ellyn and Owen )

( Private to Ellyn and Owen )

( Private to prefects )

Happy Fucking Everything.

Now to enjoy what remains of my holidays.

At least I know where Salazar got to.

Professor Gerber! Oh no! Don't leave us!

More professors need to get sick. Ironically the most boring one is Binns, and he can't get sick. Because he's a ghost.

I'm going to use my Transfiguration time to actually do something productive.

Private:

Like work on my secret plan, Which I've unfortunately reached an impasse on. Namely being male.

Maybe I'll board up the Gryffindor common room instead.

end private

HEY GRYFFINDORS

I hope you're practicing your Quodpot skills, because that's the only way you're going to win anything this year. The school might even set up a league with you as the only team in it! Even you can't lose that.

HEY LONGBOTTOM

Hope your stomach is feeling better. You should try to eat some nice, runny eggs. Or something with milk in it. And don't worry. I'm owling you a parachute before breakfast tomorrow.

( Hexed VERY Private )

Dance. I'm going as a Boggart.

Private to Saoirse:

Ellyn says Eoghan attacked her in the halls the other night. He has an alibi in Fudge, but I think he's been wanting to get at her for some time and I'm more likely to believe he did something than that Fudge is telling the truth. She apparently "stumbled upon" Ellyn while she was doing duty with Coote from Gryffindor.

I'm sorry you have to hear this from me. Have you spoken to Zabini the non-daft one about having a talk to him? Not that Leonard would care about Ellyn, but he might at least persuade him to be more careful about what he says or does in public.

I sent Professor Longbottom this letter and I'm trying to get the ball rolling. Because you know how helpful our own house head is. I just hope Ellyn manages to stay calm.

end private

Private to Ellyn:

I've written to Saoirse. I also owled Professor Longbottom a letter with my suspicions. I copied it here if you want to read it.

Please try and stay calm. I know you hate advice and I do too, but I would just try to avoid anything that would set you off. Plead illness and sleep in the hospital wing away from Fudge Up if you have to. Make sure Sapphira or Emma are with you so that if you bump into Eoghan or Fudge the Dud, you won't be tempted to have a go at them. I could also appeal to Parker the Girl's self-vaunted sense of chivalry and ask if you can sleep in his dorm for a while. He loves Eoghan only slightly more than you do. And if you need to yell at anyone, yell at me. Water off a merman's back and all that jazz.

If the school doesn't do right by you, I am contacting everyone I know and throwing all resources I can behind this. They are not going to get away with it.

end private